Tag Archives: WordPress

Like A Burger, I Want It My Way

5 Mar


After building twenty contracts today, I decided to blow off the rest of the day by endlessly screwing with m’blog design.

…It never looks the way I really want it to.

The only thing I miss about ye olde days of Blogger, was that you could pimp the hell outta these things, any way you wanted, without upgrade paying, without monthly dues, without the restrictions of tiny lettering here, ugly colors there, zero header options, and crappy backgrounds. 

…This was the same reason I mourned the forsaking of MySpace for Facebook, once upon a time.

Why cannot the people with the digital interfacing toys let us have our way? 

Why do they think they know better than us on how we want to interact with others and express ourselves? 

…Especially on something as social and individual as a blog.

Give us our aesthetic freedom!

…Yeah, I know you offer this platform, this storage, this face-page to us for free…but you are making shit-tons of money on us via ads, bumpers, imbeded commercials, and god knows what all-else…don’t tell me you’re the one doing all the charity, here.

All I want is a page with good font, set at a pitch that people can actually read, with pictures that are centered when they load (not random-focusing on a right eye and left boob), a background that isn’t choppy, ugly, or so busy you can’t read anything, with ample space for my header.

…Now, is that too much to ask?

…After like an hour-and-a-half dicking around in the themes section to try and find this, I’m here to tell you straight up: apparently, it is.


WordPress Love

1 Nov


Since joining WordPress, I’ve gotta say, I have fallen hard for the community they have built and the writers who make it their home.  My previous blog platforms and services did the same job of publication, but the social atmos was much to be desired in compare to the (to me) elite collection of various artists who have seen fit to make this, their home.

…My “Follow” subscriptions are on a level of topics, writing styles, artistic expressions, history lessons and general “didja know” information-feeding that I can only compare with my Netflix cue, so varied my interests are flung. From day to day, I am constantly discovering new talents, here in our home blogging-sphere. The entertainment and curiosity level they feed me, have hugely contributed to the fact that I haven’t picked up a paper book in far too long…because I find myself too curious about what prewitt1970 or Urban Wall Art painted today, or what insane bucket list check-off Lesley Carter has been up to.

…Getting my daily positive reinforcement from Ladyromp has become a morning coffee routine, Brilliant London , and Dorset Rambler provide me with much needed get-aways when I’m homesick for overseas, an old theatre bud’s gallivanting about the globe in Where’s My Backpack continually feeds me with new sights and sounds and smiles, as I hear her Irish lilt and bawdy laugh reporting it aloud in my head.

Cristian Mihai feeds writerly inspiration, and Belle Grove Plantation is like a History Channel special, in it’s every delicious detail. Jenibo of A Breath From Breathing was my original inspiration to make the post-a-day challenge a reality, Amanda Meets Book, and Confederacy of Spinsters, are for when I really need a good bailing totally inappropriate laugh, Eggton is a salty-sweet delicacy of words and recipes, and Muguet’s Blog is a place of wonder, both found and newly created.

Thoughts on Theatre, and Artless Poems feed my little inner Bohemian, while One Thousand Single Days has been blowing my mind with her devotion to her personal challenge as well as her art in words.

…There are more, of course…49 on my reader roster in total. These are but a few of the most prolific, who make it on an if not daily — than nearly — basis of consumer enjoyment. I look forward to finding out how their worlds move forward, have come to know their friends and loved ones they write about, as if they were mine as well. These people, to my mind, have become fully fleshed-out characters in a myriad of separate stories, in this neat little collection arriving on my reader log daily. They enlighten and inspire me…they engage my attention and (together with my own subscribers) keep me coming back for more.

To post and to read, daily.

…Sure, it is a sometime difficult and totally impractical feat…but I do it because they are here, doing it as well. It has become the largest art-support based project (outside of theatre ) that I have ever been a part of.

…And I just wanna give props to the people who have helped build and nurture a world that is so open and inspiring and eager to be fed and played and talked with.

Every. Single. Day.


Our Casual Reader

25 Sep


One of m’favorite bonus reports in WordPress stats, is the search engine results section where it tells you how people outside of the network or Facebook, have found your blog.  Sometimes they make me straight up laugh out loud.  And then, kinda feel bad.  Because I’m betting that what they THOUGHT they were getting as they clicked on my link, and what they ACTUALLY got were so grossly different that they were too pissed to even smile about it.


…Or, maybe they are now subscribed readers, who only stay with me because I’m exactly as twisted as they were hoping for when they started their google search that one day.  There is no real way to be sure. But here are a few of my particular favorites used in finding SWAL.  (And my theories on the true purposes they were up to, when they pressed the “search” button.) They are in no particular order.  And their spelling et al, are as entered.

* “Snuggle Pinup”
(Pics of women in underwear hugging the Snuggle Soft bear from those one commercials.  Possibly has a stuffed animal fetish.)

* “Spandex”
(They just bought a “How To Make Your Own Superhero Suit” book, and need to order material in bulk.)

* “She coffee yes”
(A Dom’s “sub,” trying to find the closest coffee cart in the vicinity, while she is mid-whipping him, demanding he get her some caffeine immediately.)

* “I love not camping”
(They just heard a friend’s horror story of THEIR trip, and wanted to plant a meme on FB about how awesome it is to not be them.)

* “Girl pees for ass”
(A golden shower/butt man.  Boy was he disappointed when he clicked the link.)

* “Weight lifting wedding cake toppers”
(A tiny figurine wherein the Bride is bench-pressing the Groom. And I bet they eventually found one.)

* “Sexy lady flagellation”
(Pictures of naughty nuns, undergoing self discipline.)

* “Dame Wars”
(Possibly looking for spoof Mexican Fighting videos wherein Helen Mirren, Judi Dench and Maggie Smith take turns beating the shit out of one another.  Hold on. I’m gonna go google that too…it sounds awesome.)

* “End of an era young and restless”
(Fan sites with posting boards where people can wail in type about the loss of their whole noon-day purpose in life. They are now one of my most avid readers.)

* “She was too fucked up in her head”
(Clearly looking for a song lyric. That one about a psycho ex-girlfriend. They are STILL trying to narrow the search down right now, from 50 billion results.)

* “Gigolo want for wife”
(An Italian man is trying to get an American Visa the old fashioned way. I tried to reply once, but I don’t have enough funds to keep him in the living style to which he wants to be accustomed.)

* “Sneezing + feet fetish”
(Searching for a very specific fetish group wherein members sit around snurfing things up their noses to induce sneezing while taking turns painting each other’s toenails.)

* “Dorothy Parker love snarks”
(Whoever they are, I want them to woo me. But they are too busy making fun of wooing to do it.)

* “Cooking torture”
(S&M techniques involving hot frying pans, searing oils, how to convert onion layers into contact lenses, and various uses for wasabi and ghost chilies.)

* “Sally Field Audrey Hepburn lesbian”
(A severely specific fetish group – containing only the one member – looking for anyone…anyone…ANYONE who might like to share in their fan fiction delights.)

* “Consumer fury”
(Super stressed-out YouTubes of customers just letting it rip on weeping sales clerks, as caught on camera phone. Because they just lived that frustration and need to acknowledge it before they accidentally explode and do it for real.)

* “Agatha christie & then there were nun murder mystery”
(The well known cult fan fiction retelling of all Agatha Christie murder mysteries relocated in convent setting, featuring an array of postulents, novices and Mother Superiors from different orders. + Spoiler alert: the “Priest” always “did it.”)

* “50th kitchen pin ups”
(Remember that movie about all those older women in Yorkshire who got together, took off their clothes, and did a naked picture calendar to raise funds for a Hospital? It’s like that. Only themed around cooking and kitchen utensils.)

* “Sad flagger”
(That one website with pictures of depressed and zombiefied road workers, taken by motorists waiting in the line-up, via their cellphones.)

* “I’m crying out, loud loud to my father, cos he only knows”
(That beat rapper poem. You know. The one about crying. Out loud. Out loud. Cos my Father? HE knows!)

* “Happy Birthday fucked up”
(Some dude wants to throw his buddy a BD party, but wants that shit to come unglued…even more than those “Girls Gone Wild” bus parties. Otherwise he woulda typed, “Happy Birthday Co-ed Boobs”)

* “Pin up fruit seller”
(A foodie who likes to enact Adam & Eve scenarios in the bedroom. “Apples for sale, sir…penny a bite”)

…And all these sick-twisted people somehow managed to find this blog. Pretty wondrous, ain’t it?

Am so proud, my buttons are popping.


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