Tag Archives: weather

Dear God,  Not Snow! 

9 Dec

I live  in the most hypochondriac state in prob’ly the entire world, which is hilarious because we are considered granola by like most other state standards, and could feature on the cover of every Wheaties box from now to kingdom come. 

…We are outdoorsy as hell, will climb anything, run anywhere,  backpack for months, grow and compost our own food with our our waste products, join in every diet fad, fuel up with every vitamin supplement in existence, put sunscreen on when it rains, and show up in droves to picket dirty energy Big Biz when it wants to build some kinda new cancer-inducing shit in our backyards.

…All of which is rather industrious of us.

…But we also, will go absofuckinglutely bat-shit, if anyone, at any point, mentions the word, “snow.”

(We do it with “earthquake” too…and coming from the mountains of CA, I think both fetish-freakouts, are hilarious.)

…I think it’s because we are not properly equipped for either, in any great way…in that they happen so infrequently, there is no “plan of attack.” We only have enough plows to attack major roadways, so: you’re screwed getting out of your neighborhood to them, and they don’t do the useless-but-regular trainings for school children and employees to duck-and-cover under desks and stand in doorways — in case of a quake. 

…We are made to feel essentially helpless in these moments, which I suppose is what fuels the end-of-times panic reaction that both words elicit…so that everyone is running to Costco stocking up their built-from-100%-recycled-material panic rooms, and debating every possible disaster scenario over the water cooler, like: Move over “Survivor XX,” shit gets real now

…Which is essentially what we’ve been dealing with — all week long–from customers and retailers and builders. 

…Until, finally: it came. 

It snowed for five seconds last night, and my side of the state is all:

(Throwing up hands)

“That’s it!  Cancel everything! Close all the theatres and the schools! Blackout the offices!  Bet you’re glad you maxed out your Lowes card on that generator! And slugged that guy in Costco for the last giant flat of Dinty Moore stew! Where are the cell battery back ups?!  Holy hell, how will our Christmas gifts from Amazon even make it through now?! ”

Five. Seconds. 

Today at work, everyone I talk to is like, “Wow, yeah, we need to cancel that… The weather is just too crazy of an x-factor. ” And outside my window, as people continue to live in their little worlds of total hypochondriac denial: it is raining. 

…Not even a lot. 

 …It’s even doing that half-assed. 

…It’s spitting. Weakly. 

…Which is one of many reasons that my current home town just cracks me the hell up. 

(Together with the slogs of people who sign up for races all year round. Because, they claim there’s this thing called “runners-high.” Which, unlike Santa, is totally fake. And everyone knows it.) 

~D

Snippets

15 May

image

Writing from the Farty Chair

…The “Importance of Being Earnest” soundtrack is in the background…cuz it’s fun, and strangely eclectic…purchased off Amazon MP3 app for the purpose of inspiring hair creations yesterday. 

The costumer requested I arrive with something quasi-styled so as to play with the hat placements during my fitting.

…The California Cousin and his lady have just vanished with Ma, back to her house, and I’ve time for a quick write-up before bed.

Random associations of the day, coming back to me.

…What to write about?

California Cousins grow up from kiddom, and become super interesting, intelligent human beings. Even in our family. 

…Had that one customer who talks to you like they were the dictator of a small third-world nation, whom you have just been annexed in with via “you work for me now” association.  I let them have their five minutes of glory…and by “let them have” I mean, “continuously reiterated the requirements for product prep with zero lee-way as to how much extra free work we were planning on doing for her.”  The call itself (I’ve been told) lasted another 48 minutes.  I wasn’t there at the time, as I had evilly put her on hold and passed her onto the WHS Pimp for “materials and hardware spec” info. 

It was mean. 

I know. 

…And he had even just bought me coffee and everything. 

…Which just shows you the kind of people we are, I suppose. I am the one who would buy or bribe their way onto the lifeboat, and He is the one who would probl’y go down with the ship, in honor of the “women and children” rule.

You know what, we’ve already discussed how he’s a better person than me, and I don’t think it’s kosher for you to just always bring it up, every time I do the tiniest slightly dickish thing!

…I prob’ly owe him some beer or something…

Cleaned house after work.

…Gave Daphne and Niles a much-needed bath, and cleaned up the kitchen.  New smelly thing plugged into the wall, accidentally set on ballistic level and left there to try and counteract the mass-chemical-cleaning smell. 

It worked. 

Sort of.

…Even though my nose hairs are still kinda tingling from the residual warring battle.

Windows all closed up since the last storm. 

Heater back on again.

A bit of a bummer, actually.

…Also, Harriet had just finally gotten all the bird poop washed off of her before it all began.  In keeping with every car-owner fate, ever.

Off book for the second tea scene. 

…Three more to go.

Rehearsal tomorrow and Friday, then off for the weekend.

…Must remember to buy more TP.

…And milk.

I may have had one 20 oz black coffee too many, today.  While it helped with the sheer exhaustion and general anxiety pit-of-despair I had worked myself into the evening before, I don’t think it’ll be so great at this particular point. 

…Or maybe I’ll be passed out within 50 seconds of my head hitting the pillow. 

…It is almost impossible to know.

I am, however, willing to undertake the experiment, and give it a shot.

Night, all.

~D

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