Tag Archives: tickets

A Public Service Announcement

3 Aug


Dear The People,

Pay your parking tickets.

…I mean it. 

I know, I know…it’s that nuisance thing, you whip off your windshield, while peeved off, and throw into the back seat, on purpose spending the rest of the day trying to forget all about it.

…Only, don’t.

…Also, don’t forget about the one time your car fell apart last year, and spent a month in the shop being taken apart and put back together again. I know it’s hard not to, but sometimes you get sidetracked by the number of bills this accrues.  So many that a bank loan is needed to be taken out to help pay for it. 

…And don’t forget the extra fees you had to keep paying to get the smog check done, which it never passed, because of computer codes registering that you had fucked with the computer, by resetting it.  Which happened when they needed to take the entire engine out to…you know…fix it and things.

…And then, don’t forget being pulled over because your tabs had expired, which you couldn’t fix, because the computer codes needed enough road time to re-set (so the smog people told you) before they would register right for the smog test, which you have to pass in order to get your tabs.

…And then remember the day you walked into the DOL with about five tons of paperwork, and stepped up to the window, with your (now) driving without a tabs ticket, your $6,000 loan paperwork, your three smog rejection slips (including your just five second ago received one) and a check for $90 begging on all that is holy for some kind of mercy out of the guy behind the desk, as you plead for a fucking sticker, for your fucking license plate, so you fucking stop getting tickets for this shit.


…Then, when that is all done, and a new sticker is on the plate, and you are home…don’t forget how you spread all that crap out on the coffee table in front of you and thought, “How in the fucking hell am I even going to pay for all this shit? My monthly car bills now equal nearly all of my monthly house rent.”

…And then remember taking a copy of all of it, the next day at the office, checking the “request payments” box on the fucking tabs ticket…circling all the goddamn reasons on all of the corresponding paperwork, explaining how you are beyond broke at this point, and this $20 is about all you can handle at the moment.

…Then…and this is the really important part you guys…(and it’s really tricky, cuz like you are pretty buried from then onward in these heaving bills from hell)…try NOT to forget that you did this.

…Because if you do?  (And if you live in this state)…they can…(and apparently WILL) revoke your license.  And forget to tell you about it. 

…And you will find out about it, quite by chance one day…as you find yourself stranded on the onramp of I-5 at midnight on a Friday, in another county…waiting for two people to come drive you to their house…where you will be a spur of the moment overnight guest, and require vast rescheduling of other people’s days to get you back home again.

…BECAUSE…IF you forget ANY of the formentioned things?

THIS is what will happen to you.

…Like it did to me.

Last night.

…So, apparently instead of keeping crack dealers, sex predators, common thugs, and drunk drivers off the street, you all were saved by your tax-paid police force last night from having to drive ON THE SAME FREEWAY with a horrible CRIMINAL, who DARED to accrue sick amounts of debt (which she IS paying) while forgetting about the equivalent of a parking ticket, of it.

Which leaves me with no license until Monday.  When I call the DOL and see what the settlement fee is.  Which with interest accrued from sometime last year, is no way gonna be something I can just “swing” off the cuff, on the same paycheck that my Rent comes out of.

…Meaning I will now be paying the equivalent of my house rent for a car that is perfectly able to run, is fully insured, and which I will not even be able to drive again until…well fuck…who even knows?

And the moral is?

…You know what? There are too many snarky one-liners about how small crime doesn’t pay, and we should really just Go Big Or Go Home.

…I’m too tired to spoon feed one right now. 

Just take your pick.


For Those Who Are Earnestly Interested

8 Jul


One more short week of performances and “The Importance of Being Earnest” will be put to rest in the archives of the theatre.

…But we have not prepared for our exit quite yet.  There are bets still to be won. 

(If you’ve just joined us and want to get in on the bookie action, catch up on our history of numbers here and here.)

…For the rest of us, let’s move on to the meat n’ potatoes of our fourth week’s stats, so you can blast ’em all you want to the masses and help press us to number one of the season by next Sunday’s closing matinee.

First, our winnings:  We pulled into the second-selling slot of the season by last Saturday’s performance, even besting our own projections by a full day.

…And second, comes an interesting new handicap/advantage for the unusual five-week run: Due to the additional week of performances, we have zero Season Ticket holders for next week’s reservations.  This lowers the weekly pre-booking of seats average…which means we have more to physically fill, in order to achieve a full house sell-out performance.  On the advantage side, that of course means more option of weekly revenue should we FILL those seats…the money then not being attributed to early projections, but instead being fresh meat, and bonus bucks to our final ticket-selling totals.

…In short, from now to Friday (and beyond, frankly), we need to whore ourselves out, completely.

Wanna help do some pimpin’?

…Have you already seen the show?  Come back and bring friends.  Ain’t seen it at all?  Go online and grab some tickets now…the internet is never closed, friends! 

…In order to sell-out any (or all) of the remaining performances, as of 11PM this evening, here is what we need:

Friday  7/12 — 136 unsold
Saturday 7/13 — 148 unsold
Sunday 7/14 — 87 unsold

…Again, everything this week is at the mercy of direct-sell, with no subscriber base to help cushion the numbers.  New projections based on current percentages have been set at a closing of $17,500 for the gross…which is $2,737 below the number one slot show, “Sherlock, ” (whose final gross was $20,237.)

…From yesterday (post show) to this evening’s final numbers, we have sold $311, which (if taken as an average across the next 7 days) will only bring us to $2,177…missing our goal by over half a grand.

…This won’t win us bets, friends!! So here’s what we do:

We go on a guerrilla campaign, digitally.  And you can help!

Have you seen the show and like it?

Have you read the play and dig Oscar’s winking wit? 

Do you have a history of voting for the underdog?

…Grab this and pass it on!  Or any one of the trailers, or a comment you’d like to share about the show, along with hash tags and/or email addresses linking your gorilla campaign contribution to the theatre itself.  The bucks go to art, (a worthy, worthy cause), the full houses will go the actor’s hearts (mine included), the support you give, no matter how big or small (in post, or comment, in buying out an entire house) will make you a part of our “Earnest” family…sharing in the final WIN, that I know we can attain:

To get a 118 year-old comedic gem, written by a genius 159 year-old Irish playwright, into the number one selling slot of 2013?

…Come on you guys, what isn’t awesome about that?!

YouTube Channel Links
Main Theatre Website Link
Ticket Purchase Link
Facebook Link


She Needed A Weekend Off, After The Weekend

20 Jan


Here’s the deal: you know how you get off on Friday night, heave a sigh of relief, and go have a beer (or 8) while hanging out and just “being” for two days…then Monday comes around and you grumble, as you get ready for work?

…Actors don’t get, “weekends.” 

We don’t really get “Holidays” even. 

…When the normal humans of the world are just starting to launch into a little well-earned R &R, WE are just starting the second part of the rest of our work week.

Rehearsals. Techs. Performances. Fight calls. Show prep. Hairdressing. Makeup. Warm-ups. Line-runs. Prop-checks. Bathroom share negotiations. Smoke-breaks. Nerve-shakes.

…Then add in a super-special-secret-awesome-BFF surprise…and you subtract even more sleep automatically…which is 3000% totally worth it…plus Sunday talk-backs, and post-show de-funks…then remind yourself that you promised a blog of some decent amount after two days of side-burnering it…and you have me: bleary-eyed, punching at my keyboard with little (if any) thought filter left at all.

I am tired.  To put it bluntly. 

I took all the “life ” that was offered to me this weekend, and used the flying fuck out of it.  Down to the absolute last drop.  And now I’m sitting here at 9:30 p.m., in my PJ’s, with a body and brain that is insisting it is actually 6 in the morning tomorrow already…because I am so not looking forward to the anti-energy I have to face that moment, that I’m already regretting it.

…Does that make sense to anyone?

…The insomniacs will get it, if no one else does.

…Anyway, with all that does come the satisfaction of a hard job, well done.

Our tickets sold 15% above projections this week, we’ve nearly broken even on full production cost with two weeks of performances left, word-of-mouth is super solid, we’ve four stellar reviews from the critics, and we already can’t wait to hit the ground running again, come Thursday.

It’s weird to miss performing a show as disturbing as this. But we do.

…Which means it matters, and is satisfying work, and is punctuated with a sense of accomplishment at the end.

Everyone should be as lucky with their work and art.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to tell myself that it’s okay to be in bed right now…even as my house has post-party residuals peppered all over the place in every single room.

The pick-up can wait.

I’ve earned a rest…an early feel of pillow at my cheek, and lights out, while maybe Netflixing something easy and happy and good until I conk out completely.

…Which will prob’ly be within the next five minutes.

I’ve earned these seconds of quiet, restful, peace.

…And so have my partners in crime.

Love you guys.

Happy end-of-weekend to you, friends.


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