Tag Archives: movies

Marty’s Holy Vigil

14 Dec

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‘Member when John Lennon said The Beatles were more popular than Jesus?  That’s the same formula to apply towards Marty’s excitement level for The Hobbit tickets burning a hole in her pocket, versus her Christmas Eve visit from Santa Claus.

…Both are pretty awesome, but one keeps making her tear up and bounce on the sofa seats, staying up all night watching America’s Top Model because she actually, physically, is too excited to close her eyes and try to sleep.

We are going to the seven-something showing.

…And she is waiting that long, out of respect for me…and cuz of a bet.

I am helping her win, by attending this new relaunch of an already sworn-to-hate series (due to my previous experiences of it, as told here), and she, in turn, gave up the midnight showing, so I’m not forced to try and keep awake PLUS do it at four A.M.  We WILL, however, be standing in line from 5 until “whenever,” just so we can pick out the best seats. We chose the theatre with barcaloungers. It’ll be in 3D. A single ticket cost was like $18.

…Out of respect for her, I have taken the prep for this whole thing very seriously. I’ve had Q&A sessions with Ma on “who the hell so-and-so” is and why “la-de-da” matters. I look at all the trailers and supplemental materials they YouTube to me, I’ve seen History Channel documentaries on the sources that Tolkien used to come up with all of it…I’ve participate in games…I’ve even read The Book.

…This all culminated yesterday, in a plug-and-play Hobbit-naming generator tagged on my FB page. I got: Pansy Hamwich of Buckleberry Fern. And when a friend got Prisca Hamwich of Buckleberry Fern, here was my reply:

“…at least with a name like the Ham-sisters we obviously ride on the Tookish wild side…clearly involving gross amounts of mead and — oh @#$%. I’ve been infected. I actually know what all that meeeeeeeans. Noooooooooooooo!”

…So it’s official.

It’s allll fuckin’ over for me.

I know who these people (or thingsies) are, where they came from, and what their traits as races are. I admit: in the last stand of Thorin on the Mountain, I was all butt-hurt and pissed for the Wood Elves, Humans and Bilbo for being treated so crappily. Yes, I laughed at the stupid cave tolls. Fine, I was kinda bummed when those three characters died.

…but this DOES NOT mean I am a clean-cut convert!

I ain’t drunk of the Kool-aid for that whole…LOTR fiasco. It ruined too many Christmases for me. Forgiveness shall not be granted, that.

…And I STILL say they are climbing a lot of fucking hills…AGAIN…for beings in the CONSTANT company of a WIZARD.

(don’t tell me he can’t just whip up some two-second spell and just teleport them there. And if he can’t, he sorta sucks at his job, you guys.)

…And I don’t for the life of me see why the first installment of THREE – count them: THREE movies just for this ONE book – needs to be TWO HOURS and FORTY MINUTES LONG.

…But at least now, I will know what in the hell they are talking about while throwing words like “Wargs,” “Elrond,” “Mirkwood,” “Arkenstone,” and “The Battle of the Five Armies” around.

It doesn’t mean I “like” it or anything.

It just means I am prepared. And at least if a I fall asleep, when I wake up: I’ll know where we are in the scheme of things.

~D

Vino, Theatre, Jane Austen &The English Nutter

5 Oct

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Tonight is girl’s-night!!

…To sip on some hoity-toity grape juice, pop in “Sense and Sensibility” and push play on the audio commentary wherein Emma Thompson will commence to teach us everything she knows, about everything she knows…in a totally charming and hilarious manner.

As my favorite English Nutter, she has been doing this command performance for several years now, but it never gets old, or less funny.

…This entire night, btw, is under the pretense of Ma n’ “M” actually meeting. Like freaks of fate. Because then they can geek out all they want to about Hobbit feet and trolls vs. fairies kinda crap, and leave me the hell outta it. 

(As if we really need an excuse to show up in PJ’s and pseudo-sob over romantical period things.  But that’s my story, so I’m sticking to it.)

***

In Other News: I’m leaving work at 2:30 today.  I hit the office door this morning, straight out-the-gate with a solid declaration that this week was shit and I was leaving early today to help make up for it.  I got a blink and shrug from the Boss in response:

Boss: Ok.

Me: You know…it’s not fun rebelling when no one cares.

Boss: (Pretend melodrama, but not really selling it) Don’t go…! Don’t go…!

Me: You suck.

Boss: Want a coffee?

Me: I do.

Boss:  Be right back…

***

In Other Other News: After-rehearsal hang time is golden.  It’s not that I “forget” this, but it is constantly being reinforced how much I miss my peoples when I am not doing shows.  Not that I don’t see them anyway, but not in as large groups, and not with the night’s work to ruminate over and tease one another about. 

…I’m used to a big family, and it’s nice to be back around one again…flinging insults and sex jokes and drinking each other’s drinks when people get up to pee or have a smoke.  Family is important.  All the people in it…the “new” ones finding where they fit within the order of things, the “old” ones shifting here and there to accommodate, and everyone genuinely enjoying and respecting the work of one another so much, that we can afford to play at one another’s expense…take a hit on the chin that is made with a wink. Sometimes, a cast can be all-round magical…and this one is a hell of a team already…even with a month yet to go in rehearsals before the run begins.

…Its times like this that make me feel bad for the “normals” in the world…the ones who work their 9-5’s and get to bed at decent hours, don’t obsess about creative shit all the time, and still have their dignity. Poor bastards. They have NO IDEA the kind of life they are missing.

…But then, I’m preachin’ to the choir here. Obviously.

It must just suck to be them. Am I right?

~D

Lord Of The Rings, & Why I Hate It

20 Sep

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Okay, I know this is prob’ly a severely unfair judgement call to a certain extent, but I can’t help it, and here is why–

…But first, let me clarify some things:

I TOTALLY agree that the artistic and nerd-fulfillment beauty and marvel of the movies is not to be doubted.  They are aesthetically gorgeous…and I’m told, painstakingly researched down to the infinitesimal detail, from the original novels. I admit that it earned it’s collection of Oscars, and the books have obviously gained a cult following throughout the universe, that is not to be rivaled in it’s multiple of fiction genres, (few people seem to agree just where it belongs, specifically.)

…That said:

I don’t like them.

…The build up these movies were driven to, before I even had the chance to see the first film, was just a ridiculous level that no one could POSSIBLY deliver.  I was told of this EPIC story of fantasy and politics and good versus evil, and Hobbits and Dwarves and Dragons, and I was all, “Okay, I can get behind that prob’ly,” so I went along with it.

…And I totally fell asleep in the movie.  I lost track after time “three.”

…Granted, I was on a shitload of Benadryl at the time, with a hell of a head cold…but I swear to you, it was the first (and only recollected) time, I have EVER fallen asleep in a movie theatre.  IN MY LIFE.  And I’ve seen me some SLLLLOOOOOW English period dramas, my friends. (Which I happen to love, but that is beside the point.)

…As hour three (or whatever) FINALLY came to a close, and the lights came up…I remember sitting there and saying, “Are you kidding me?  Where is the action? Where’s all that fantasy stuff? They’ve been climbing the same fucking hill for THREE HOURS just now…and I know they’re Hobbit-tiny-people and all…but seriously?!”

“It’s spread out in three installments,” I was told.

“So I have to come back and do this all over again, before we get to the real stuff?!”

“You just don’t understand.  You should read the books,” my helpful friend suggested.

…Which I never did.  Because I’d already spent THREE HOURS being bored with the story so far, why elongate it?  And there was no alternate thing I could blame even, as the picture quality itself was stellar, and the actors buried behind all those elf ears and troll hair were ones I’d loved for ages and had great respect for.  CLEARLY the problem wasn’t the film.  It was the story.

…Which didn’t help the following Christmas, when my totally obsessed Mother, wanted the super-special-torture-me-DVD set, with 47 hours of extended specials on it (cuz the fucker wasn’t long enough already)…which I felt obligated to purchase her. (Though I informed her that I highly disapproved, on “principle.”)

…She paid me back by insisting on putting it in the player immediately. 

It played ALL DAY LONG. 

They were STILL climbing that fucking hill as we ate our dinner. And I had slept through MOST of Christmas, because of it.

…And because Peter Jackson is a sadistic, evil human…he managed to practically RUIN every year, since. (Same hill. Same little Hobbit-people. Same constant nodding off.) Because, thanks to the movies’ super stardom…they even play on cable every Thanksgiving…and for a while there, kept spitting out NEW ones, every Christmas, which I was again obligated to purchase for my mother…who insisted then on continuing the ongoing torture.

…And now there’s ANOTHER “trilogy” that is soon to come out…

…And all I wanna know is: “WHY ME?!? WHAT have I done in life to deserve this kind of consistent torture through the rest of my “forevers,” just cuz I’m a good daughter?!”

…And now “M” has entered my life and decided that SHE is gonna be the one to “break” me on this whole new Hobbit movie deal. THERE ARE PEOPLE PLACING BETS ON IT! What the eff, you guys?! I told ’em I might be dragged…kicking and screaming, to ONE of ’em…but only cuz one of my boyfriends, (Richard Armitage), is in it. Then she got all proud of herself and decided she’d get me to read the books, TOO.

…And so, naturally, I told her where to “get off.”

…To which SHE countered with the offer of doing it “readers theatre” style. Which totally wasn’t playing fair, like AT ALL.

…And I said, “You mean, with all the voices?”

…And she said, “Yep.”

…Which I sorta was okay with a little.

…But then she and Ma started fighting on FB about who gets to read who ,and all. And I finally had to call the kibosh on it:

“Look, people…I don’t give a #%$# who plays who! I don’t know what the hell any of these people’s names are. ‘Oh! I wanna play Harkle of the land of Isith, from the valley of the Smurfs!!!‘ IT MEANS NOTHING TO ME. But so help me God, if I end up having to play all the Tree and Rock people, I’m gonna be PISSED! BE NICE! Or I won’t play with you anymore. OR read your stupid books!”

…And I stand by this.

~D

Three Truths

10 Sep

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Know that game where you ask a question requiring three answers, all in immediate first-gut-reaction?  You know…you play it when you’re drunk, or on a first date, or sitting in a car in hour seven of thirteen…on a road trip.

…Here are a few answers from a recent version, I will share with you.  Mostly because I promised not to write about the really good super secret conversation I had today…and also because even if it isn’t the one you WANT to be overhearing, at least there is some entertainment value attached to it.

…And also, that other conversation is all I can think about right now, so my brain is too full to ruminate on “other stuff,” then be expected to care about it and actually write it down.

So here are some “leftovers,” instead.

…But not the “egg burrito kind” that gets all rubbery and wrong. The “spaghetti kind” that still tastes good, even when you have to re-nuke it.

Ready?

1) Top 3 Movies Of All Time:
I like old ones best…but am really eclectic up to present day Indie and blow-up films…so I’d have to do it by genre.  Plus, I’m a giant BBC nerd…so there’s just no simple answer to that question.  It needs an evening and a bottle. If you saw my collection, you’d understand.  Movies and books are my crack cocaine.

2) Top 3 Places to Live In The World:
England – For every reason under the sun (even when it rains.)
Ireland – For vacationing and reflection.
Italy – For eats, sex and general splendor.

3) Top 3 Bucket List Roles:
Martha in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf,” – Because it’s eviscerating and sick in all the best ways possibly.
Blanche in “Streetcar Named Desire,” – Because everyone wants to play Blanche Dubois…yes, even you.
Regina in “The Little Foxes” – Evil Edwardian mother with infinite power at her disposal?  Um, yes please.
Jane Eyre in “Jane Eyre”- Because I get it, and she gets me.
Mrs. Danvers  in “Rebecca” – Because she’s one of the only villains in all of drama, who isn’t actually a villain, but is a villain.
(And no, I didn’t forget how to count, I broke the rules on purpose, and I get to…cuz it’s my fucking game.) 

4) Items You’d Have In A Zombie Apocalypse:
A boat – To get away.
A copy of Jane Eyre – To keep me company.
Stage Makeup – so I could pretend to be one of them as needed.

5) Actor’s Careers You’d Most Like To Have:
Kate Winslet –  And if I can’t have her career, can we at least bitch over a beer together at some point?
Emma Thompson – She’s funny as hell, Cambridge smart, writes deliciously well and is “real.”
Meryl Streep –  It goes: Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, and Meryl Streep in the cast of human freak-people who can accomplish anything.

6) Top 3 Non-Artistic Careers You Would Have:
Archaeologist (specifically Egyptology) – I hate dirt, but would get over it if I could please discover the next biggest thing since Tut’s tomb.
Spy (specifically Undercover Op) – But only if I have the moves, figure and tech toys of Jennifer Garner or James Bond, to go with it.
Diplomat – Mostly for the immunity and Cuban cigars I could buy.

7) 3 Meals/Foods You Would Eat Every Day:
Potatoes – The best food of all time.
Pasta with sauce – In all it’s infinite varieties.
Spinach salad – With every kind of veg but peas.

8) Songs That Mean A Lot To You, And Why:
Claire de Lune (Debussy) – Cuz it reminds me of Gram.
She (Elvis Costello) – To be that chick to someone…all the reasons are in the lyrics.
The Man That Got Away (Judy Garland) – Cuz it hurts so good.

9) Places In America To See Before You Die:
D.C. – Soak up all the museums and History.
N.Y. – Amazingly enough, still haven’t been there…and you can’t die before that happens, it’s just a rule, so I’m strategizing it out in order to prolong my life “in general.”
Boston – The Architecture and accent.

10) Favorite Sports:
Baseball – To watch.
Soccer – To play.
Hockey – To start a fight at.

***Bonus Question***

11) Most Important Achievements To Have Reached Fifty Years From Now:
Create at least one beautiful thing that will last beyond my lifetime.
Reach a point of making my living 100% via artistic means.
Have a wake so full of people I love, that they spill outta the pub into the street.

~D

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