Tag Archives: free

The Pirate Is Forced To Retire

17 May

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Two moving vans and and new wireless notification pop up, announced the worst.

“Relocation of your wireless signal.”

My leached-for-free internet of the past several months was mourned, duely.

A moment of silence, in respect.

It is a very terrible thing to be, suddenly, a Pirate without the free  booty to pillage.  One feels quite at a loss.  Like an actor whose just finished their last gig and has nothing next to move onto.

Incomplete.

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Frustrated.

…And highly inconvenienced.

The hope-through-positive-thinking, that whomever will fill said apartment, will be just as liberal with their signal, is too mean a temptation to fall under. 

In these days?

With all the assholes in the world?

…Who will break into your account without your permission?

…Whenever they freakin’ want?

Be real.

NO ONE in their right mind, would be open to that.

…And I will miss my little overly-trusting brothers, who (no doubt) have moved to other pastures that they will equally water with the blessings of their free-willingness to spread joy and free-internet-wonder amongst the masses.

It was a short romance, but it was voracious in content, and exceedingly memorable.

…I will always look on these months as a time of wonder, great growth, and astounding culture, for which: I thank you.

Not every Pirate had been so nobly sponsored.

I will never forget you.

Signed,

The Dread Internet Pirate

~D

Censored

30 Mar

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In lieu of the blog I want to write right now, I’m going out into the sunshine.

…I’ll take in all the different colors…count them, name them…whatever occurs to me at the time…so I can collect them up and bring them with me across the day and keep them with me tonight when I have trouble sleeping.

…Deep breathes of clean sea air.

…Crunch of footsteps on rock and sand.

…Maybe I’ll sit at a picnic table and watch a single solitary ant, weaving back and forth across the wood grains…with whatever busy ant-like thoughts and projects it seems to be compelled to do today.

…I’ll pick some wildflowers and bring them home with me.

…Watch some kids play…

…Take my shoes and socks off to feel green grass between my toes.

…Consume the day with all my senses like a poet…with every taste, texture, touch, and sound, expressed in specific, heightened detail.

I’m taking a day to be grateful for all the things that I have…none of which can be bought or sold in a store, achieved with hard work and determination, or negotiated with a contract.

Today is about all the things that have just been gifted to me.

(and you too, by the way.)

…For free.

It’s free.

…And I can’t, with good conscience, ignore that today.

~D

Dear SWAL (A Special Edition)

8 Mar

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An unheard of sneak peek into the Marty realm of workness.  Today we are listening LIVE to her and her Boss’s webinar meeting with 12 subscriber women (of their product.)

…As a ghost, I have full access to her written responses as “Support Diva” (fielding comments and calls) as well as hear both of their responses as the questions come in. This is open playing field, everything on the table, no topic forbidden, no comments filtered.

…Her Boss just signed on, eager to “get ‘er done,” as he has a hot date with the gym directly after.  Marty is currently tempering him for the remaining minute before broadcast.

The ticker is counting down the seconds…

…He is reading Star Trek “didja knows” to pass the time.  Apparently some Vulcan dude couldn’t do the finger “v” thing and had to have his fingers glued to get it done.  Useless information for the day #78.

…And…we…are…live!

***

“Lets do this!  Lets rock and roll!,” says Marty Boss.

…He explains the low-down, point of call, rules and regulations and so it goes.

“I’m 24 and never had a relationship last longer than one date…there’s this guy…there’s a 13-year age difference…I’m really interested…am I too young for him?  I’ve asked him out, he is always busy, or whatever, but brings up another time to get together that might work…”

Answer: I’m gonna say if you’ve never had a relationship longer than one date, that a 13-year age difference isn’t going to help you. There is a lot more of experience on his end, obviously. My question is WHY haven’t you had one last longer than one date?

…He asks her to define her stance, she provides that her lifestyle is super busy and work-heavy.  He suggests not going at it like a long-term deal, think of it in terms of just one date.  Then the next date.  Less worried about long-term.

***

…Later…

“If you’re dating a couple of guys, how do you let one down the kindest way, to pick the other one?”

Answer: Don’t lie. Just tell him the truth. It hurts, but trying to be nice can often be the meanest thing you can do. False hopes, not knowing where you stand. Don’t say too much, he might look for an angle to get back in…don’t be super specific, just truthful and straightforward and end it.

***

…Later…

“I just got out of a bad 4 year relationship, my first big one, and don’t know if I’m miserable because I was used to it, or if I really hurt and miss him. Then I kissed this guy at work and…”

Answer: I’m gonna say you’re not ready yet, you probably shouldn’t quite be out looking for a boyfriend at the moment. First of all, dating someone at work is almost always a bad idea, I’d take 6 months and give yourself a “no dating” policy…not that you can’t date or sleep with someone, but don’t FOCUS on it. 4 years is a long time…spend some time with yourself, do what you need to for you, recognize what you really want, give yourself time to heal from the last relationship…yes, it feels like death right now…but it isn’t…it will get better…you will be fine. Let yourself go through the pain…the pain is okay…I’m against “depression”…but pain is going to happen…just give it time. You don’t have to jump at the first “next” thing. You will find someone else…it WILL happen…you don’t need to rush it…it will happen when you are ready.

***

…Later…

“Do you have any suggestions for female police officers? It’s sometimes hard to get a date, it’s a turn off for a lot of guys when you tell them what you do, but seems withholding if you DON’T tell them.”

Answer: I don’t know that I’d put that just up front…maybe keep it to something like, “I’m in law enforcement” but not get big into the details. This is a tough one. I can see how it might spook them if you make that your dating profile and whole personal identity about being a cop…focus more on what you are passionate about…other activities, things you are into…so they get to know other sides of you as well. I’d save the whole “cop” thing for maybe the third date…far enough down the road to where they know other sides of you as well and therefore have a better balanced view of who you really are.

***

…Later…

“What does it mean when the sex is really good and lasts long…like over an hour…but he doesn’t come?”

Answer: It could mean any number of things. Could be drugs, could be masterbating too much. I doubt highly it has anything to do with you. If the sex is good and passionate and personal…then there’s nothing wrong. He’s lasting an hour…he OBVIOUSLY is attractive to you, if he is attentive and you feel good…then I wouldn’t worry about it. Some guys just take longer. You hear a lot about “premature” ejaculation…but almost no one talks about long-term as a “problem.” Which it isn’t. Sometimes you may just need to finish in “other ways.”

***

…Later…

“Is it okay to give kinky sex on the first date?”

Answer: Yeah, you can. Just know that in doing that, you are setting the precedence for the relationship to be a sexual one, not necessarily personal. It’s fine, just know that. There is nothing wrong with just looking for sex…I’ve had that before, lots of people have…”this is just this thing…just a play thing…it is what it is, and that’s all.” But just know what that means. I don’t suggest people looking for a “relationship” to have sex on the first date, at all. But if you realize what you are getting into, and are okay with it: go for it. Have fun.

***

…Later…

“Where do mature over 40 ladies go to find arty guys who are straight?”

Answer: (Marty here)….As a performer myself, I gotta tell yuh, there are a LOT more straight guys in the theatre than you think. (Marty Boss)…I agree…I used to do theatre, and I gotta tell you, as a straight guy in theatre, I dated A-LOT. You should just embrace the lifestyle. DO theatre, get INTO the arts…if you are there and in it, meeting people, you’ll find the men with that common interest.

***

…Later…

“If a guy says he’s straight, but has experimented with another guy, is he gay?”

Answer: No. I think you’d be hard to find almost anyone who HASN’T experimented with the same sex at some level at some time. That doesn’t mean that is necessarily how they identify themselves. These are also only labels. Some people are gay, straight, bi…what does that mean? Sometimes that is a personal identifyer, sometimes it isn’t. That’s like when women ask me if a guy wanting to do anal makes him “gay.” Of course not. It’s just something he enjoys…for whatever reason…it doesn’t mean an entire lifestyle change, it’s just a sensation/motion, or whatever that he enjoys or wants to try.

***

…After one hour, they begin to wrap-up with the final low down. But not before a highly interesting and intriguing experiance on my part. Actually learned lots, and nodded much from my little “amen corner.”

…Meanwhile, a last little insider for the lady-curious. (Adults ONLY.) Try www.danejones.com. Just won the “Feminist Award,” for best porn…highly suggested by Marty’s Boss, as, “a realistic porn site, where ladies actually look like they are having a good time for a change.”

…We apparently can thank the UK.

…And that’s this month’s Dear SWAL.

Learn and enjoy.

😉

~D

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