Tag Archives: corset

Things That Go “BANG!,” And Mournful Bunting

4 Jul


Home early from The Fella’s, and In-Laws. Stone. Cold. Sober.

…I’m sure this in not how the Founding Fathers intended America’s biggest party day of the year to end, for me.

But here I sit. 

…Because work is tomorrow, (after a Holiday sales blitz), with the beginning of a weekend full of shows riding it’s ass, like white-on-rice.

I feel I planned well, in-all, as plenty of drinking happened earlier in the day to offset the not-having-any-later, deal. Plus, having eaten half a cow and a lot of pig (with incidental greenery on the side), I think absorbed all the residual alcohol, and/or coerced it into helping break down all the stuff in m’guts, soon after.

…Which is basically a “workout,” if you look at it in some ways. (Like the world where ice cream doubles as your dairy qualification for the day.)

The amount of food I’ve had across these past two days, does worry me a bit.  Not so much in the fact that I won’t fit into my costumes…(that’s what a corset is for)…but that it will be exponentially more uncomfortable to be squeezed into them.

…But I haven’t totally ignored my responsibilities in that realm. I did manage to run lines today with The BFF, (as in days of old), to  keep verbally fit and ready for tomorrow. And as part of my coming-home-early-to prep-for-tomorrow bit, finally fished out my tights from the show-bag, where they have lazily resided all crumpled and stinky, since last Sunday. 

…And now, as I listen to endless pop-rockets, snap-dragons, and gunpowder bangs outside my window, clean black tights hang in their place along the shower rod…drooping like mournful, wet, bunting.

There is something strangely satisfying in my bathroom being taken over by show laundry, hanging to dry. 


…Harking back to centuries of other show people, from Vaudeville to the legit stage, who have done it before me, and will long, long after I am gone. 

Some things never change:

…The late-night excessive banging of illegal fireworks outside your bedroom window on the fourth of July…and prep, the evening before your next performance, being two of them.

Happy Independence Day, friends!


They Have An App For That

16 Nov


At the moment, am working from my bed, whilst laying on my tummy next to a bottle of pain pills with a heating pad on my back.

…Mrs. Johnson strikes again.

…But I’m really productive in bed.

–I mean…I still work well on my tummy.

–I mean…aw, fuck it.  You know what I mean.

Thanks to the cloud world of remote office-ing, (and Apps), I did all my batches, closed out just over $10k, and popped out contract paperwork reminders for $12k…all before 9:30 AM…and all while in the horizontal position.  Really, the only thing not being in the office limits me in, is “being in the office”…which just proves that Boss could be doing all the things that need doing in a day, if he really wanted to…he just chooses the “not” option.

In Other News: Last night’s performance was an epic-filled slog for several casties, due to the apparent silent adoration of our audience.  I say “apparent” as we are told they were at least smiling…while we felt that they were flatlined beyond all resuscitation.  We all know what that means to the Actors.  So we’ll be leaving it at that.  I (strangely enough) was not in the least affected, outside of the initial frustration of silence. Prob’ly cuz I gave up on them early and decided to just have fun playing with m’buds. Also, I was busy babysitting my cleavage…

…But I would like to state for the record, that seeing dear friend L.M., (and post-show-hang times with her and the cast), was totally worth wearing a corset over my bloated form all night.  And making sure that the ten obscene gallons of extra boobage this time of month encourages, didn’t accidentally overflow out into the audience, changing our viewership rating completely. (It was pretty close, a lot of the time.)

And now, after posting: more pills, more tea, then maybe a short nap.  Then onto a shower, and into the office…because I feel like I should, though I am technically done for the day anyway…and travel thence to the theatre.

Come on, Friday night audience!  Help us out with a little extra boost tonight, would yuh? I’ll even breathe extra heavy in the direction of the house that gives us the most verbal love. Heaving bosoms await your participation!

Thanks, sweeties.


…And Then There Were Exploding Biscuits

8 Nov


Last night was a first.

…I dunno how I’ve gotten this far in costume drama and have never experienced it before…but last night I sneezed in a corset, for the first time.

…And we aren’t talking a wimpy, lacy lingerie version, here…we are talking a steel band, reinforced, Ren-Fair, stiffened leather, armpit to crotch, kind.

It was ‘tween scenes, waiting for a cross-over from the lobby.  Our Feste was standing next to me, and almost completely lost his shit with my reaction.  I dunno what in the world it looked like, but it felt like my ribs exploded into about 20 steel-ribbed reinforcements at roughly the speed of 40 MPH. 

…Maybe because they did.

…And because it was mid a scene on stage, I tried my best to muffle it.

I’ve never had cause to think of it before, but that shit will actually break your ribs. It’s sort of a notorious hazard, in fact…according to Google over here…which in all of my years, no one has seen fit to relay to me before. I guess common sense would inform you of it, but then when you have 11-hundred other things to worry about at the moment, accidentally sneezing doesn’t register that high on the list, strangely enough.

…So let it be known, you S & M/Period Drama/Renaissance Fair/Fashionistas: Kill the inclination. Kill it however you must. You don’t wanna go there- trust me.

…Like a very violent biscuit can tube, exploding when you’ve pulled the tab wrong and it doesn’t open the ceal properly.

(And thank you JM for that little nugget-example.)

…Honestly, I’m just glad that the front stays, along my bladder, didn’t push me into instant release.  Cuz it hurt pretty awesome, and I’m fairly sure if I had to go pee at that moment, it would have been all over for me at that point. A whole new direction to take the Character.

Tonight is Preview.

At. Fucking. Last.

…The energy yesterday on stage, was like negative 3…which some then tried too hard to over compensate for, in the form of milking the hell out of shit just to get a reaction…at all…anything…even a nose sniffle…or a sigh…or even the crinkle of a candy wrapper…just SOMETHING!

…I found early on that I had a crap case of chew-mouth…where every word was eaten, coming out in a miss-mash of anti-diction (despite all my warm-ups.) By the third scene, I realized I was driving precariously close to mime-intensity with my facial reactions, as if it would somehow make up for the fact that you probably couldn’t understand what the hell I was saying. Signing, over-gregariously, might help bridge the language gap in a foreign country, but not on this stage.

I am (sorry to say) one of those actors who tries much too hard to compensate for their failings, in endless spirals of self-consciousness, whenever I don’t happen to be feeling quite up to par. Its a dangerous place to live, difficult to control and navigate, and almost impossible to ignore. Last night, I spent nearly every single moment on that stage, inside my head…every line, every movement…an exhausting enterprise of constant second-guessing…which I blame on both being far too tired to trust it would happen as it needed to naturally, and also the fact that we are still playing to a vacuum of silence that is almost painful, it is so present, with anti-matter.

We’ve been ready for an audience since Monday, and are sapped of joy and urgency, in playing to an empty theatre of seats. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. And when we try to fix it at this point, it all just goes to hell. Not in a devastating way…more in a molasses-pull of slow suckage. Which is almost worse.



…At LAST, we will have viewing eyeballs, and butts in the seats, and people to interact with, and new infusions of energy, and purpose and design and play!

Tonight, we will finally start to figure out what is really funny, and what are just inside jokes which amused us that other people are never gonna get. Tonight we learn the balance of the comedy…how delicate we can make the somber moments…how conniving we can make the shenanigans. Tonight we get to dip into that little inkwell of nerves that gives performers their extra oompf.

…So thank you, ahead of time, to our Preview patrons! We’ve waited forever to hear you. So don’t be shy! Come whoop yourselves into a tizzy. We saved the first dance, just for you!


%d bloggers like this: