Tag Archives: budget

Money Trickery

19 Jun


I am a grown-up person, in America, without Savings or a Credit Card.

…I’m not bragging. This is just fact.

…And it gets worse.

…My desk job of 8 years, only barely covers my living expenses, and theatre pays dick…so other than my refund tax write-offs every year (for being a professionally poor artist), I accrue very little not already-spoken-for dollars.

…Spoken-for, kidnapped, sucked away, blown out my car’s ass…it’s all the same, really.

(…Which explains why I haven’t been on a real vacation since 2009…but, anyway.)

…The deal is, I need something like half a grand to do what I need to do this year, with my Super-Awesome-Goal-Reboot plan…Which in my world, might as well be half a million.

…I need headshots, and travel change, and gas bucks, and hotel fees…things not negotiable in “plan variance.” I mean, I’m a person who lives on a College kid budget of dollar menus and Safeway 10-for-10 deals. Which is fine, except when you obliterate a tire on the freeway, annihilate your last good bra in a show, they hike up the rent, or your phone dies.

Or you get a burr up your ass to get the hell outta here and really do something with your life.

Because there is no budget for these things, (and no plastic to charge it to)…I am forever playing “rob Peter to pay Paul,” in a sort of a never ending carousel ride of overdrafts and late fees. None of which, help.

…So today, with goal-time ever sneaking nearer, I paid the absolute essentials and opened a totally non-related, in no way linkable, super secret, far away account…which is so exclusively a pain in the ass to get to, or claim money from, that once I’ve written a check to myself and app-deposited it into the account…it might as well be in Switzerland.

…I mean, I did extra research to make sure it was as inconvenient as possible, on purpose.

…Which means I’ll be even poorer. The “Peter/Paul” dilemma will undoubtably arrise at one point or ten, but my closet account in Bocca-New-Zealand-Bucharest, will grow slowly, despite.

So that’s done!

Now, off to invest in bulk pasta, canned beans, and boxed rice!

How do you fund your American Dream©?


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