Tag Archives: age

The Final Hurrah!

6 Apr


I have no idea why I’m awake already on a Saturday, but I might as well put it to good use, and hope for a nap, later.

…All that matters right now, is that I’m 14.5 pounds down, as of this morning, with 6 days left to Opening Night, and the completion of my original February 12th weight goal.

6 days.

Can I do it?

…Moving myself slowly and healthily from “Big Daddy” toward “Oliver Twist (after more)” on the scale, has not been easy.  But lets be real: it never is.  All I know is that I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer and give up, but I’ve been working on this last 4 pounds of loss three times longer than all the rest, and don’t see how it is even mathematically possible to reach the final number at this point in this many days, short of a major intestinal upset. 

…Granted, this last week was all but a wash due to monthly hormones, which I have zero control over…but to launch into the hell that is Tech Week, and expect weight loss, is straight up insane.  All that stress?  The late, long hours? Less time distance between work and call? No time to cook things and barely time to drive through a place and wait for a greasy bag of stuff to be handed to you?  Eating in pockets of break times beyond 10 pm, of necessity? 

I mean, come on.

Lets be real.

…But I am so fucking close.

…I’m almost there, you guys!

…20 pounds in 2 months.

…So close I can taste it.

Make it by deadline, or not, I’ll still keep pushing toward the goal.  But then, the new final goal on top of it, will feel (and be) further away…harder to push toward…without that buzzing high of having reached what I wanted to reach, the first time.

I tell myself, it is all for a good cause.  Health, and BMI charts, and all of  that has something to do with it, sure.  But honestly, this is mostly about my own sense of self. And an oncoming birthday. And security in my instrument to be able to tell the kind of stories I want to tell with it.

…My rules, my time.

…It’s about realizing and saying, “I don’t want this anymore, I don’t like it,” then going about changing things from that day on, at your own bidding. 

…It’s about taking control and killing the feeling of restless “stuck.”

…It’s about denying yourself the easy comforts in lieu of the well-earned ones, which somehow mean twice as much, feel more extravagant, and bring a whole new level of appreciation.

It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t readily dive into a 7-course Italian spread right now, if you offered it to me.

…It means, I simply don’t have room to wolf it all down anymore, so have to content myself with the supreme pleasure of a thousand beautiful smells, (which cost nothing), and one helping…chosen painstakingly, specific in its lust for every flavor, planned out in expectation, for a perfect…single..plate…of “omygod-yum.”


Now I’m hungry.

Dammit.  Why do I do these things to me?


Middle Age & Jewish

4 Feb


Because I didn’t just deal with enough drama (apparently)…I’m going from closing the show where I committed suicide every performance, straight to tonight’s audition where (if I get in), I’d end up getting hauled off to (and dieing in) a Nazi extermination camp.

…Cuz I’m sick that way.

Look: I’m at least a decade too young for the roles I’m going for: Mama Frank or Mrs. Van Daan…but the story of Anne Frank is too good not to grab onto when it comes by…I’ve aged up successfully before, and it’s too far a drive for me to want to commit to it for anything less than one of these two roles.  Which brings risk…but that’s always hanging around at audition calls anyway. 

…Would love the chance to go with Mrs. V.D…if only to lighten up a bit on my moroseness factor across the past role with this possible next one.  But so much hangs on the age of the kids auditioning, and the family resemblance possibility factors…and the crap shoot of chemistry.

…Also, lets not forget, I haven’t done a legit audition in forever…and just managed to cram a couple new monologues in m’brain, and pick one that I thought would work best as a “win” for either role. 

I’m going for dignity in the face of loss. 

…Which means, clear-cut character strength, none of that weeping and wailing nonsense, and the ability to fill a silent moment with intent.

…It’s also a Hellman. 

…Chosen in part for good luck, and because her words already having been living in my mouth for the past two months, brings her easier to the tongue and emotional sense-memory.  We’ve been a good team for awhile. No reason at all to fuck with that now. 

…The piece won’t be a permanent addition to the audition arsenal, though…it’s too period-specific…but it should do exactly the job for this one…providing I don’t cock it up…and at least get me to call backs, where I’m back home with play-timing the script and bouncing it off others.  Also our Mrs. Tilford and Aunt Lily will be there…and it’ll be nothing but a delight to have the chance to bound up on stage with them again and get a good workout in 🙂

…And should, by some strange awesomeness, I get into this one…that would have me up and working immediately through the end of April, after which, I bring out the solid guns of yay and put everything on the table for “The Importance of Being Earnest”…which Marty n’ I have already decided we’re prepared to pull out everything we’ve got collectively, and go to all-out War for!

How delicious would THAT be?  To go from “Children’s” to “Earnest,” together…in the breath of one season???




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