Last Day

23 Jun

Today: I end a ten-year shitty relationship with my job.

…In this day and age, that is epic stay-power, but I’d have to state truthfully this was more from fear of change and the “devil I don’t know,” than anything else. As is often the case with toxic relationships, this one seduced with constancy, and the thought that “this is better than nothing.” As if it was my responsibility to take the years of bull shit, because isn’t that what you have to do when you’re an adult and have bills to pay?

 … Doesn’t everyone who doesn’t make their primary wage via their passion, hate their job?

My theory was always: more or less, yes. None of us want to do the “thing we have to,” so we are all more or less in our own little “Office Space” versions of Hell.

…But what if it doesn’t have to be that way? What if you don’t have to hate the place you spend 8 hours a day at, five days a week? I’m not saying it will take the place of your passion, I’m just saying: maybe it doesn’t have to suck the absolute life and soul out of you.

…What if?

I waited too damn long to gamble that option. And today, I walk away from what I know, and freefall into that which I do not. On the lists of terrors, that’s epic height for Anxiety-fueled people. 

…But I’m doing it. With faith. With hope. With a whole hell of a lot of cheerleaders in my friends and family who have done nothing but back me 3000% of the way.

…It takes a lot of guts to stay by your post no matter how bad the weather gets. It takes more to realize that the storm isn’t your problem, not of your making, and aside from standing beside a friend in need…nothing is worth living like this. For years and years.

It’s only money.

I am not for sale.

I am worthy of a relationship demanding respect in all aspects of my life. Even the place where I earn my bread and butter.

Even my non-dream job.

Dignity.

This is the day, I get me some.

~D

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