Money Trickery

19 Jun


I am a grown-up person, in America, without Savings or a Credit Card.

…I’m not bragging. This is just fact.

…And it gets worse.

…My desk job of 8 years, only barely covers my living expenses, and theatre pays dick…so other than my refund tax write-offs every year (for being a professionally poor artist), I accrue very little not already-spoken-for dollars.

…Spoken-for, kidnapped, sucked away, blown out my car’s ass…it’s all the same, really.

(…Which explains why I haven’t been on a real vacation since 2009…but, anyway.)

…The deal is, I need something like half a grand to do what I need to do this year, with my Super-Awesome-Goal-Reboot plan…Which in my world, might as well be half a million.

…I need headshots, and travel change, and gas bucks, and hotel fees…things not negotiable in “plan variance.” I mean, I’m a person who lives on a College kid budget of dollar menus and Safeway 10-for-10 deals. Which is fine, except when you obliterate a tire on the freeway, annihilate your last good bra in a show, they hike up the rent, or your phone dies.

Or you get a burr up your ass to get the hell outta here and really do something with your life.

Because there is no budget for these things, (and no plastic to charge it to)…I am forever playing “rob Peter to pay Paul,” in a sort of a never ending carousel ride of overdrafts and late fees. None of which, help.

…So today, with goal-time ever sneaking nearer, I paid the absolute essentials and opened a totally non-related, in no way linkable, super secret, far away account…which is so exclusively a pain in the ass to get to, or claim money from, that once I’ve written a check to myself and app-deposited it into the account…it might as well be in Switzerland.

…I mean, I did extra research to make sure it was as inconvenient as possible, on purpose.

…Which means I’ll be even poorer. The “Peter/Paul” dilemma will undoubtably arrise at one point or ten, but my closet account in Bocca-New-Zealand-Bucharest, will grow slowly, despite.

So that’s done!

Now, off to invest in bulk pasta, canned beans, and boxed rice!

How do you fund your American Dream©?


6 Responses to “Money Trickery”

  1. June 19, 2015 at 5:17 pm #

    Ok, so I haven’t lived like a starving college student for years. But I do have a plan that will make me live like a starving college student…and that actually takes money. So I’ve got the same far off, hard to get to accounts with money automatically going into them to help fund a new(old) way of life. I will still be working, but as my own boss as a grant writer. And I want to be able to live on what I make doing this for at least 10 years.

    So not only do I have to fund my retirement for after I’m 70 or so, I’m saving to be able to stop working for Corporate America, be my own boss, live abroad, etc.

    And I want this to happen sooner than the next 7 years. So I’ve recently sold my house to downsize my bills and put more money away. I’ve also recently been figuring other ways that I can prove I can live like a starving college student now and sock even more away so I can make my dream (of living like a starving college student) come true even earlier.

    And it scares the piss out of me.

    So, while not the same boat, we appear to be moving toward our particular American Dreams in the same direction.

    Good luck and take a bucket to bail.


    • She Writes A Little June 19, 2015 at 6:51 pm #

      I fucking LOVE this. I love that we are two ladies onna mission…that we can be cheerleader-drink buds, shove influential lady-power Lit at one another, and be poor, happy, badasses. “The Dream” aint easy…but we do all the *other* hard stuff…so why not this?! xo

  2. Cotton Boll Conspiracy June 22, 2015 at 6:29 am #

    You’ve probably thought of this but avoiding overdraft charges and instead funneling that money into your super-secret account would be a great way to save some extra cash. I know that’s often easier said than done, but certain banks make a killing off overdraft fees, which can be an absolute budget killer.

  3. Carolyn Cook June 24, 2015 at 4:24 pm #

    My dream of being a professional actor was underwritten by major periods of tightwad living. I got fantastic advice from tightwad books and websites, and here’s a link that will take you to two of my absolute favorite resources:

    I love The Simple Dollar blog, especially anything by Trent Hamm, the originator of the blog and the author of a couple of books about achieving your dreams through frugality. It can be done. He shows how he did it.

    I still dream of even more freedom to live an artistically satisfying life . . . creating my own work and maybe even bringing together a company of like-minded artists . . . or just traveling the world. Whatever is next, I want it to be adventurous. I applaud you for taking big, bold steps toward the life you want.

    • She Writes A Little June 25, 2015 at 12:27 am #

      The book’s in my Amazon Wish List, the blog’s on my desktop, and I am rejuiced by another kickass artist, who is bravely,”doing it her way.” Thanks, friend for sharing knowledge, and cheers 🙂

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