The End Of An Error

15 Oct

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Today, at 5:30 a.m., Boss showed up at the office, put down his computer and company truck key, and walked back out…

…Never to return.

We are still not exactly sure what that means for us…only that he quit before they could fire him.

…We don’t know if legal suites are still pending.

…We don’t know what the hell happens with all the shit he’s stored at the offices.

…We don’t know if they killed his name off the buyer accounts, disconnected his network access in the cloud, or what happens next.

We only know, there currently is no Boss.

They are going on day three-thousand on inventory tomorrow, we don’t have any more account access than we did before, or have the authority to instigate so much as a P.O.. We fielded calls all day about things Boss had promised people before he left, so the forest fires now burning in his wake are just another fun obstacle to deal with, along with two suits from corporate in the house, watching our every move…like some gigantic fucking Olympian qualifying level to see if we get to keep our jobs at the end of it all. Or what.

…Boss is gone.

…After seven years and countless incidents of bullshit and lies and manipulations.

…I should be celebrating.

…I should feel just overwhelming relief.

…I should be tossing back whiskey shots like it was going extinct.

Instead, I feel unbelievably weird. Sorta numb. Sorta terrified. Sorta irritated. A lot exhausted.

…Like death or something is waiting around the next bend.

You have to understand the depths and breadth this has all gone…for SEVEN YEARS. I think I’ve been trained, to just suspect it is all hopeless, and always will be, and the next shoe drop is just inevitable.

This job has actually TRAINED me to be depressed even when a good thing happens…because I don’t recognize “good” as being an actual option.

…”Good” doesn’t happen here. It never has. Only horrible things. So then…what’s behind the Halloween mask THIS time?

I can’t actually trust it. Any of it. I want to be relieved, or ecstatic, or…you know…something.

I’ve waited so long for this day, and it’s here, and so am I…which means it happened…for real…and I made it…but instead, I’m just sitting here, unable to even decide what to eat for dinner tonight…because nothing sounds good, it’s cold,  and maybe a nap would be better instead.

What the fuck, you guys????

…What the fuck.

~D

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One Response to “The End Of An Error”

  1. Carolyn Cook October 15, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

    Well, you may not be able to feel happiness yet, but I’m happy for you. I do understand though; you’re stunned, and it’s hard to know what’s next. So. I am here to say that you have survived, and that in addition, you have pursued your passion for acting, through seven difficult years. You have accomplished something. No matter what else happens around you, at least you can celebrate your own accomplishment. 🙂

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