Archive | 10:52 pm

Mushy Stuff

16 Jul


I hate mushy stuff.  Hallmark cards are the worst things ever…like little Lifetime Movies waiting in an envelope. 

I…like to laugh.  I like to laugh, even when I cry.  Even when it emotionally hurts.  Even when something has really affected me.

…I’d say, “especially” in those cases.

…Which is why I think the invention of the Victorian-themed meme is the best thing since they added milk-fat to chocolate.

…And why closing notes to a Director I particularly love, after as show I’ve been particularly fond of,  will look a little something like this:


Dearest Prof~

It’s already been a too-crazy work week with nothing going right, filled with evenings that I can’t seem to fill no matter how hard I try.

…Yesterday evening, I was on my 11th “project” of the night (ie: stuffing my face with rice krispy treats while reading Empire Magazine) after already taking a long walk, doing dishes, helping Ma start moving, and spending an interminable ten minutes just staring at the ceiling…when my door buzzer went off.

“Thank god! Maybe it’s a Mormon who wants to convert me!” I thought, “I can *easily* milk that into three or four hours of free conversation…!”  

…But then, when I picked up the receiver to  buzz them in, I heard a little voice I know all too well at the other end.

Little Voice: “Hi, Gwen.  It’s me again…”

…So entered Cecily.  Where she stayed.  Until about 1 am.  In keeping to our now habit.

Cecil: “It’s been 24 hours.  And I missed you.  Am I disturbing anything?”

Gwen: “Only death by boredom.  Your hair!”

Cecil: “I know, I straighted and cut it. I also started my second job today, and bought a new wardrobe I can’t afford…and these earrings. ”

Gwen: “I contemplated taking a shower before work.  Then: didn’t. We do depression very different.”

…And so on…until both girls were laughing, and then crying from laughing, while having a picnic of tater tots at midnight on the futon…that everyone’s sister’s aunt’s brother’s cousin has slept on at some point across these past several weeks…which I’ve been too lazy to fold back up into a couch after the last run.  (A Gwen and Cecil sleep over going into our final Sunday show.)

It was good.

…The visit.

…And it also kinda saved your reputation.  

…Because frankly, you made us have too much fun learning and growing as people and actors and things…knowing full well all the time that at some point it would end, and we’d all be just sitting here like this with egg on our faces, like someone pooped in our morning Cheerios.

(That simile is mixed, I know, but I’m upset so just go with me on this journey and stop fighting it, okay?!)

…And anyway, in the end, instead of just “pretend” liking these people because I basically HAD to, in order to get the job done, I ended up liking them for realsies AFTER all…which means that Cecily and Earnest et al will never really leave me…they just go on extended vacations and get married and cut all their hair off, is all.

…In the end, I made a new young friend, who keeps me honest about working hard and trying to a set a good example, while simultaneously accidentally making me feel old as fuck… and got chummy with an old friend, who wasn’t even really a “real” friend, until I start pretending to be obsessed with him every night, across two months of time.

…And the other family members and buds have been great-making too.

…Plus I learned a whole lot…about a new kind of “funny,” and new ways to use my tool kit as a performer, and to allow myself to “play” more…also adding my first  legit acrobatic stunts to the resume! (I’m calling it a “backward lounge triple sow cow jump” or  the “Fairfax Flip” — pending trademark. )  

Really, you’re to blame for *all* of it, when you think about it.

…So I *hope*…as we all mope about in abject and total lack of motivation to join humanity, for sheer show withdraw depression…that you are fucking *happy* with yourself!

…I really hope so!

And as I sip on my orange spice market tea, and crunch on my English toffee, mentally sobbing for brilliant lines I’ll *never* get to say again, (and only got the joy to for all those weeks and weeks because of you to begin with)…I’ll try and pretend like that script over there  on my table, waiting for memorization, will be just as fun as this all was.  

…But I secretly won’t really believe it.  

Instead, I let it sit there, dormant for a few more days.  Because it’s too soon to wipe Gwendolen’s lines off the chalkboard of my mind, to replace with the words of another person’s.

…And I blame you for that too.

So: thanks a freakin’ lot!


Forever-Gwen xo


…Which about says it all, I think.


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