Thinking Run-Ons, With Caffeine

5 Jul

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…It’s a good thing I ate lunch today, cuz I probly won’t now till after the show, but I need the energy for tonight and stuff, and not just the “caffeine” kind of energy that I’ve been pumping all day long, the other kind…that includes meat and starch, sprinkled with pretend green foods…something my body can look at and be like, “Oh. Yes. I can mulch that up and shove it places to burn off later”…as opposed to the liquid diet of champions where the energy is fast and furious but dies quickly, leaving only the shakes…like those alcoholics who just tremor and get mean, any time after 11 am if they haven’t had their “hair of the dog” yet, for the day…

…And also, why is it “hair of the dog?” That never really made sense to me…what does that even mean?  It doesn’t feel like “hair of  the dog”…to me it feels more like “poison of  the death” or maybe, “head explosion of the vomitness”…possibly “morning-after of the bad-idea” but that one seems kinda long…and obvious…and apparently we go for the opposite when naming hangover cures…which, I mean, if we’re going for that, then why not just go with “sparkle of the My Little Pony?”

…Sometime I feel like people just don’t try hard enough…

…It is half an hour until I get to go home, and admittingly, I have been basically mentally clocked out for the past thirty minutes already…I blame that chicken taco, because it made me sorta sleepy, which is counteracting parts of my caffeine high, but only parts of it…and only the good ones I think…so I’m trying to balance that out with MORE coffee, cuz somewhere in my head it makes sense to do that…which is roughly the same spot where the little voice that says, “stay up till two a.m. and watch that youtube thing,” comes from…which I already know from past experience, isn’t the brightest spot of my brain, and maybe should even have like a tune-up, but I sometimes think that by giving into it’s bad advice, consistently, it must somehow raise it’s odds of at some point being actually “right”…which will save it by statistical proof so that I don’t have to go through all the bother of a mental tune-up after all…

….Which, come to think of it, is exactly what I did that one time with my last car, just before the piston went through the block…

…So maybe it IS a bad idea, when all is said and done…

…But then I never would have met Harriet, who “has nothing, but looks everything“…in that she has already cost me about $10,000 in repairs and incidentals…none of which was actually any of my fault at all…but basically what I’m saying is: had I tuned up the first thing, I wouldn’t be floating in loan debt up to my eyeballs, while driving a super cute car…

….And I forgot even why I was telling you all this, except that I wanna think it had something to do (ultimately) with caffeine, and I’m not sure how, but am fairly certain that I’ve just proven my point.

(High-five to the people still reading, because they clearly have nothing better to do…or are just taking an extra long poop.)

…Listen: this is gross…

…The WHS Pimp likes to play this game with a friend back home.  It’s called something like, “Find The Most Disgusting Thing You Can On The Internets And IM It To Me”…(that’s not really the name, I don’t think they actually have one, but it accurately depicts the turn of events, so we’ll go with that)…anyway, while he was describing it to me, I learned a new thing about google searching…didja know that if you put a search term and + or – after it and another term, it narrows your results? I didn’t even know this was a thing, but its good that it is, especially for their game, cuz they’re gross but not like “monkey-doing-a-hippo-people-porn” gross…so anyway…he was telling me how one time this last week they were playing the game and he did something about weird sex fetishes minus bestiality, and came up with this dude who likes to film himself running around his apartment on all fours, totally naked, acting like a dog, and climaxing by pooping on the floor.

…Which is how we got onto this subject to begin with…because of my previous poop/reading assumption…but what I mean by it all is: I learned something new on google the other day…not about the dog-man-pooper, but about the plus/minus deal…well, actually, to be truthful, I learned both, but only enjoyed the second thing…(and also, incidentally, The WHS Pimp won that round.)

…Anyway.  People are weird. 

3:57…

…If I take a real long time, I bet I could totally milk these last three minutes just on locking the door, alone.

Am gonna try it.

Peace-out, all!

Happy Weekend!!

~D

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