This Is Being Recorded, For Training Purposes

25 Jun


Open Letter To The Customer Service Department:

Dear [The Place],

I really wanted that thing.

…I wanted it so much, that it was almost worth the 40 minutes of totally wasted time I have spent with you today. Beginning, when your website errored TWICE in the final page of payment…after re-entering all the order, billing, and shipping, info, immunization records and twelve kinds of proof that I am who I say I am, beginning to end, two-times. 

…I wanted it so badly that I even called you up…a thing that I never do…because I spend 8 fucking hours a day on the phone as it is, and everyone who knows me, knows that I freakin’ despise having to be on one any more than I absolutely have to.

….Which is why being put on hold three times, directly after, was super awesome.

…Almost as rad as being hung up on.


Two. Times.

After which, I called YOU back.  Both times. 

…Had to wait through the song-and-dance phone tree again, just to get relaunched on the same waiting list pool-from-hell, and listen to the same scripted text as read by a zombie, which apparently you all feel is necessary to reintroduce to people…even ones you have hung up on, who have already heard the shpiel twice, and say so before you even begin for the third time.

…This LAST drop, however, was my limit.

Maybe I don’t really want that thing so bad, after all.

…Maybe almost nothing is worth the total frustration of 40 minutes on a commissioned-sale purchase, which a totally incompetent C.S. Rep is going to pocket even five cents of.

Maybe this is fate telling me to hold back for better things…in different colors…at higher speeds.

I dunno.

But what I do know is:  somewhere there is tape on it all.  It was being recorded for training purposes. (Or so you claimed, no less than eight times in the course of my constant batting from one malfunction to the next.)

…One hopes you at least consider getting in on some.

“Training,” that is.

Just something to think about.


A disgruntled Non-Consumer


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