Archive | 12:43 pm

Awards & Benefice

14 Aug


I’ve been trying to beef up m’readership the past couple of days, and have run into about 5000 ways the internet suggests that you do this.  Mostly it involves registering for a ton of search engines who are willing to throw your blog out there…which as far as I can tell, no one actually frequents, other than to register their blog so that it’ll be thrown out there.

…Also there’s a lot of linking involved.

Everything needs its homesource coding and widgets. Everything comes with addendum requirements and their own strange passwords. Everything wants you to babysit them, get involved in their worlds through a myriad of activities, and  thus gain a reputation, friends and critics.

I have problems just keeping up with Facebook. And still don’t have a Twitter account. 

I fear I am doomed.

Unless I am willing to kill my anonymity (not gonna happen), and make another full time job out of marketing this thing, there is just no way I’m gonna reap the kind of readership I lust after.  Really, it’s just a “number”…more readers don’t necessarily mean any more enjoyment or eye rolling will come from the words I slap up here.  It’s only in my little hypothetical world of pajama-awesome, wherein I can somehow snark my way into making this my actual job, so I can quit the desk one and throw away my alarm clock. 

This just doesn’t happen in real life. 

I know it. 

…I know it’s a Lotto-abnormality of famed-existence. Still, I wanted to at least try.

So there was that.

…In the midst of all this research-and-postings nonsense, I also stumbled on a large number of how-to’s regarding the giving and receiving of Blog Awards.  Apparently, anyone can make one for any reason at any time.  I could (right now) take a picture of a cat coughing up a fur ball, slap a font on it, and BLAMMO! A blogger award is born.  By the truckload, they abound and except for very special circumstances, they are backed by no one, mean nothing, and will get you nowhere further in this life.  But that is not their goal. 

It took me a while to figure it out. 

…Blog Awards are just another fantastical way to market things.  Their acceptance requirements ARE their entire function.  Upon receipt of  one, you are to link to the nominator, link to ten others in a virtual shout-out of delight, and post the widget picture…which links to nothing at all ever…because it isn’t a real thing with a home and purpose at all. 

Blog Awards are the digital version of one gigantic chain letter.  Which is a brilliant way to network, and I have decided I need to win like 50 of them.  Right now. Because THIS kind of marketing actually works.  Know how I know? I’ve been following them all week, have found a whole slew of writers I’m enjoying the hell out of, and would have never found, had I not trusted the fact that “this one guy” (who is hilarious), thinks “this one chick” is too

Good enough for me. 

…I’ll drop by for a visit and read around for a while.  And behold!  Suddenly I find another person who infects me with their dry, and dark good-thinky-humor.  Sold!  Next?

…Well lookit that! She’s “won” an Award too!  Wonder who she likes to read…?

And so on.

…So this is my new goal.  I must needs campaign somehow to achieve a dozen meaningless awards, in hopes that one day…one day not so far from now…I shall be sipping coffee in my underwear on the couch…writing these little epistles for some three million readers, whose mere viewings somehow made me able to quit this job.

I dunno how that works out…eyeballs equalling buckage and all that…but believe me when I tell you, I am totally willing to get to the the bottom of it and find out.


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