Archive | 4:14 pm

Another Kind Of Life

8 Aug


The other day, I was trolling the nets looking for something to put writing focus toward, and found this script-call, due that day.

…Of course, there was no way on earth I’d be able to get it in on time, but the subject matter intrigued me, so I decided to use it as a writing prompt and do it.  After furious attack in type, I finally took a rest away from it for a bit, and returned to it yesterday with the often true realization, that it was shit. 

The obsessive nature in me had gotten too caught up in this world…in my head it was moving mountains and healing the sick…but I had forgotten to let the paper in on it.  This happens with me, sometimes.  Thinking too quickly and deeply, and it all comes out in a mish-mash of awful.  And now I’m sitting at that extremely familiar crossroads of whether to scrap it all n’ re-boot, or just shrug it off and call it, “free exercise.”

I decided I needed a Pro’s & Con’s list.

…Then I decided that I was too lazy to write one out, and that it would ultimately come down to just one of two things anyway:

1. Am I just opting out cuz I don’t wanna do the work?
2. Did I already get out of it, everything that I needed to?

…Which lead to:

1. Is this in fact just an “exercise” to nimble up a bit?
2. Do I want to actually bulk up on the concepts and body-build my techniques a little?

…Bringing on:

1. How important is “finishing” the work, so I can hold it up and say, “See, I have this whole thing over here.”
2. What in the piece is salvageable, and is it enough foundation to build a decent house on?

…Which finally culminated on down to:

“I need a Pro’s & Con’s list.”

So, for the sake of accountability and things, here it is:  


* I like the people.
This may sound vein…(being as the characters are products of my own imagination)…but they have good weight and balance, in personality, idiosyncrasies and humor. They have really valid points in arguments, are often smart-asses, and make me laugh. We’re “friends” now, in our way, and I dunno that I’m okay with just being the casual kind.  Maybe we should date? I dunno…

* I’m learning stuff.
I know “of” the topic matter, but not intimately.  This is requiring research, investigation, charting and google picture-looking.  I love going full “nerd” in book work again…I love learning things and looking at the stuff that I do know, a little differently.  It isn’t easy (or particularly “restful”), but hard work is sometime fun, and mostly good for you.  ‘Cept when it’s not.

* The topic is underappreciated.
Why not share the love?  Expand on something different, something not of the peanut butter and jelly norm.  Maybe it’s time for a little peanut butter and banana or peanut butter and pickle…you don’t “know” what tastebuds may or may not want if given the option!  The whole world could be just sitting here waiting in the wings, for me to set the new precedent of “awesome.”  And if I don’t do it, someone else will.  Which is how we get travesties like the “Twilight” series…

* I already have like 25 pages.
25 pages ain’t bad!  25 pages, is a solid thing…a two-scene operetta…a one-act…a really good appetizer with garlic and butter melted all over it! 25 pages is: 25 pages!  That ain’t nothin’ to sniff at!

* There’s no law saying I have to share it.
Even if I finish it…even if I spend days and weeks on it; even if it sits complete on my computer with no voices to it, I can still say I did it. And if it’s terrible or too strange or too revealing…if I chicken out in actually showing it to someone, I can still say, “I did it.”  “It was done!”  “I made that!”  No one may ever know or set eyes on it, but much like that recipe book I haven’t cooked a single thing out of, but still keep cuz the pictures look really good…it’s mine, and I own it!


* I can’t tell the “Baby” from the “Bath Water”
I know it isn’t “good” but I’m not totally sure which parts are definitely the “bad.”  Stripping it down to it’s nakeds and trying to separate it out might be impossible, what with the ever-loving infinity of ways I can take the thing and spin it.  So, if I were to go at the script with a wrecking ball right now, how the hell am I supposed to know what to keep and what to blow apart?

* What is my point?
I don’t know that I have one.  Which actually means that I don’t.  This shouldn’t totally discourage me, as plenty of scripts without a point have been written, produced and have purchased beach houses for their composers, before this. Also, sometimes a point will arrive later when you sit back and view the piece as a whole.  But those cases are when you have to go back and beat the crap out the script with more and more edits to clarify just what the hell that is.  Which is a lot of work.

* It’s a lot of work.
Maybe I have enough “jobs” right now.  Maybe I don’t need another place where my head has to go and be all reasonable and thinky and things.  Maybe it just wants to sit on a couch after work and watch Buffy.  That could totally be what it needs right now.  Course, I’ve sorta already been doing that a lot lately.  Which is how I gained all this weight.  So, maybe I should scrap writing altogether and get my fat ass out on a damn walk for a change.

* It’s never as good on paper as in my head.
Often, it’s just sheer disappointment.  I dunno why.  We speak the same language, and know all the same similes, gimmicks and jokes…but my head is always smarter, funnier and better looking than the words end up as, on the page.  It’s a once-removed ratio of goodness.  Like my speaking vocabulary is severely limited and made awkward because of dated exclamatories (“Rad!”),  too slow call-up recognitions (“you know, that thing with the stuff by whats-his-face?), and general social-retardedness with regards to small-talk (” I well too, you? How are.”) Where I know without a doubt, that I come off better on “paper” than “in person,” there is equal truth that I’m gooder in “brain” than in “write-speak.”  It’s just true.

* I have other things I should pro’bly be doing.
Shows are starting up again, people are consistently missing at work leaving holes that need filling in.  Then I’ll be taking my own vacation, with a Cuz in tow… to see the world of everything we have here to offer.  Also, I really need to start back into exercising more than just my jaw (while in the act of chewing.)  Digging in right now is just not the best timing.  It never is, but this might be a particularly worse “not the bestness” of it.  Also, I think I’m just lazy.  Not so much that I can’t waste hundreds of words bitching and making excuses about writing a thing…but enough to put off just going ahead and actually agreeing with myself to write it.

…So goes the battle, friends.

Wonder which one I’ll pick.


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